Time Sure Flies When You're Lost in the Woods

Oh dear, what happened?? Apparently I took a wrong turn and got lost on my way home... VERY lost... SEVEN MONTHS lost to be more precise. YIKES!! Mark must be worried sick... I got hopeful when a rancid rotten egg smell crossed my beak, and I knew that I had to atleast be close to Wyoming! To my disappointment, I realized the smell was from the Sulphur Springs and not that of America's Butt. I really should have known better, Wyoming's stench is far worse, and unlike Wyoming, there was lush vegetation and signs of life here.



Foods had been pretty rare over the last few months, so when I found some mushrooms growing on a log I got very excited and dove right in! What a mistake that turned out to be...
It got a lot harder to find my way home afterward, and I could have sworn I was seeing things. Ginormous Leaves?!? I fainted at the thought of giant and enormous leaves that could devour us all... and is "Ginormous" even a real word??



When I came too hours later I got a more clear look at the sign that had caused me so much grief earlier. I discovered that I was in South Carolina... which meant I was incredibly far from home, which left me quite depressed. However, what better to cheer me up that giant + enormous piles of leaves to jump in!! HOOOORRAY!!! The sign was quite misleading... I expected mountains that I could frolick in, but got just a few inches of foliage to wade in. South Carolina should be kicked out of the Union for such wild lies... although that would make probably make them happy, so, I guess we'll keep them and hope they learn proper use of adjectives.



I found a map at the bottom of one of the piles of leaves, and while it only covers a small area, it's better than nothing. Or so I thought... on closer inspection I realized how much trouble I was really in. No wonder this useless map was at the bottom of the pile... I bet if I kept digging I would have found the skeleton of the person who originally got lost using it. I atleast know what state I'm in... that's a start. It's going to be a long road home though... better get started.